Finals and Christmas and other things

Sorry I haven't posted in so long. Life... has been... lifelike. Too much, too fast and too hard. It's all I've been able to do lately to stay on top of everything. I had to give up on NaNo. Sadly. I just couldn't keep up. And now next week is finals week, so I hope you'll forgive the shortness of this post. I'm really, really excited for this semester to be over and to get to go home and spend Christmas with my family. I've missed them so very much. It'll be heaven to spend a full two weeks with them.

Now that you've been updated, I'm off to study math. Yay. (Blegh.)

NaNo

Happy Halloween yesterday, I hope everyone had fun. I sat around with a cold, tried to do homework, and ended up watching a couple Halloween-y episodes of Psych.

Now I need to be ending this post, mainly 'cause I have to get back to my neglected homework, and partly because today is the start of NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month, for anyone who doesn't know the term) and I shall be quite busy for the rest of the month between writing 1667 words a day and doing homework.

Have a lovely day, my dears.

Random Political Opinion Here

Completely unrelated to previous posts: I don’t like how the governmental parties work in America. It is rather frightening how the people on each side think their candidate is perfect and the other one is a scumbag.

Personally, I don’t like where this country has gone lately, but I’d like to believe that President Obama has good intentions. Also, no matter how much I may agree with a lot of what Romney has said, I don’t like the way most Republicans around here seem to paint him - as if he is America’s (political) savior or something. Even if he becomes President and does everything he says/they hope he will, one person cannot fix everything. And one person shouldn't have to. 

"If it’s to be, it’s up to me," as the saying goes and all that. In our government system, it is up to everyone to make sure the world is a good place. And yeah, this is rather the kettle calling the pot black. I know, I haven't been very politically/socially/humanitarianally(?) active lately. In fact, I haven't been all that active in making the world better... ever. At least, with helping causes, etc. But I do try to make the world better from my having been in it through how I live, and I hope that's something. One of these days, I'll figure out how to do more and do it.

Stuff

I feel bad for not posting in over a week. I promised 'my biggest fan' (yes, you Daddy) that I would be a better blogger for him this semester. Of course, he hasn't been able to read the last three weeks' worth of posts, but that's not his fault. I intend to have plenty on here for him to read when he gets a chance to look.


Life has been fairly normal, but here are all abnormalities from this week:

One of my roommates got pink eye and we had to make a run to the emergency room on Saturday morning at 5:30 am for her. It was the only thing open at that hour and she definitely needed something. She was shaking and crying and felt like throwing up. We didn't want to carry her germs to anyone, so on Sunday I just dropped off some birthday stuff at church to take care of my calling and then went back to our apartment. It was a long, boring Sunday. I love church. But you've got to do what you've got to do.

But it wasn't totally boring. That afternoon I got to skype Jared and Ashlee and my girls! That was the highlight of my week, lemme tell ya. I miss them so much.

We didn't go to FHE yesterday either, just in case. Today Victoria's feeling all better so I think the avoiding society will stop now.

I have a Women's Choir concert - well, two, but they're the same concert twice, one after the other, so I'm counting it once - on Friday. I was okay with that, but then I just discovered that, of all the foreign films they're playing each week throughout the semester at the Spori, this Friday they're playing the one foreign film I wanted to see. At the same time as our concert. Le sigh.

Work is boring. Nothing new there. But I forgot to sign up for this week during the last week, so they scheduled for me. I worked yesterday, and I've got to work Thursday during one of my classes' hours and on Saturday. At least it'll be the last Saturday shift I'll need to do for the month.

So yeah. That's all the scoop. Love you Daddy. And... you know, I appreciate and probably like a lot, if not love, all my, um, what, five? other followers as well.

Books and General Conference

Stayed up til 3:30 am last night, finishing The Way of Kings. It was… amazing. I mean, the Mistborn series was awesome, but this one book beats that by a bijillion points, man. For pretty much all of the last 150 pages, I was lying on the floor, flailing around, trying to stop giggles, squeals and small screams from escaping me and waking people up. Kaladin. Dalinar. Kaladin AND Dalinar.KALADIN AND DALINAR. KALADIN AND DALINAR TOGETHER. Sadeas is so dead. Not literally, though, of course, because that would be a breach of the codes. And the king! Rumplestiltskin, or whatever his name is. He’s behind it-! And now Dalinar’s on the list! And and and… Shallan and Jasnah! They made up and now that’s happy and they’re going to figure out everything and THE PARSHMEN ARE THE THINGEYS. 

Don't worry. I'm fully aware that made no sense to most of my readers. It's okay. Read the book. Then you'll get it.

Also, General Conference has been lovely so far. Elder Holland always amazes me with his infinite capacity to surprise me with how deeply his testimony runs and how simply he can explain that deepness. And President Eyring is such a dear man. I wish I could adopt him as a third grandpa. I loved his talk about the pavilions. It really hit home for me.

Bounce Back

You know, it surprises me how easily I bounce back to my default setting of happy/content. I mean, look at the last two weeks. I could easily say they've been some of the worst weeks of my life, considering all the stuff that's been going on. And yet I distinctly remember being happy most of the time during those two weeks. It has only been when I've thought about all the rotten things that I remembered I 'ought' to be unhappy and became so. Not only that, but thinking about all the things that have happened right now, I'm not feeling unhappy because I'm allowing myself to feel okay about it.

I don't think I'm all that unusual in this. I think, as human beings, we are meant to be happy. We are meant to find joy and satisfaction and comfort and love and peace in the things around us. That is our default setting, the setting God put us on when he sent us to earth. It is only through our own choices that we change that default setting to something else. People who are generally irritable, unsatisfied, find fault in the situation and people around them, who have to be made happy by something rather than just choosing happiness, for whom happiness is conditional, have a different default.

My day has been utterly unremarkable. Absolutely nothing out of the ordinary has happened today. If happiness is caused by outward events, then explain to me why, on this normal day, I am sitting here, feeling so completely comfortable, happy and satisfied? Sure, my Papa is doing marginally better today, you could say it's because of that. But I still have other things I could be upset about. I got a poor score on a math assignment, for example. And yeah, I'm not happy about that, but that doesn't mean I can't be happy about other things.

I stayed up a bit later than usual last night, so when I woke up this morning, I turned off my alarm and went back to sleep for another half an hour. I've been feeling lazy ever since. I got ready slowly, didn't bother making breakfast (I bought it; don't worry, I ate), walked slowly, took lots of breaks from doing my homework to fiddle around this morning, watched a little tv... lazy lazy lazy.

After my only class of the day, I decided to go to the grocery store. So I shambled on over there (there was this leaf being blown along by the wind that kept pace with me most of the way there, it was so cute, like I had a tiny friend trying to keep up with me), lolled around the store for a bit and bought a couple things. After that, on the way back, I made an unplanned stop for ice cream (guys, I think I've found a new retreat! $1 ice cream that lasts forty five minutes eating slowly + free wi-fi = yay!) (sorry, I've been doing a lot of math lately) and now here I am, lounging in a plump green armchair in the Snow building and contemplating this unexpected feeling of complete happiness in my chest.

Please don't take this to mean I don't care about my grandparents or that I'm fine with either of them dying. No. When they leave this world, I will not be okay with it. There will be plenty of tears here and I'll miss them terribly. But they're not gone yet, and I've grown tired of mourning in advance. It's exhausting to try and stay sad for long periods, and, anyway, I prefer being happy. So I hope I don't upset anyone if I defer my grief until it's actually time to grieve. In any case, I have total confidence in where they'll be going and it's not something to be sad over, so you know my crying will be more for myself than for them.

My evening

You get a call that your Grandpa, who has been in the hospital for over a week, isn’t going to recover this time. That he’s probably going to lose consciousness before the night is over, and likely won’t wake up. That you need to call him to tell him you love him one last time, to say goodbye.

And as your Mom puts the phone up to your Grandpa’s ear, because he’s too weak to hold it himself, you suddenly can’t control your voice or your tear ducts.  You say, “I love you, Papa,” then try not to sob as he replies, “I love you too, sweetie.”   And when you’ve calmed down enough to shape sounds into words, you tell him he’s the best grandpa ever, and then completely lose it when the silence on the phone is followed by your Mom saying, “He’s crying.” 

And as you break down and weep, you contemplate this man, who dozens have compared to John Wayne. This man who built a business out of scratch, boxed with a bear, and caught burglars with the help of your shotgun toting Grandma. This man who stayed true to and raised six kids with said Grandma over more than fifty years of marriage. This man who still speaks of her with the voice and the boast and the look of a lovesick honeymooner. As you contemplate him, lying in a hospital bed, too weak to move, being talked about like a parcel by a man you can hear through the speakerphone, you want to let him know that - though he may be leaving this world on his back, unknown to the world - you always saw him as a giant, standing proudly on long legs with a firm jaw and a twinkle in his eyes. 

But with sobs closing your vocal cords, all you can get out is, “I’ve always boasted about you to my friends,” before speech turns once more to tears, and your Mom takes away the phone, because your Grandpa is too tired to talk anymore. Then, as your sobbing grows erratic, she tries to comfort you from a thousand miles away, but all you want to do is comfort her, because it’s her Dad that’s dying, and you can’t stand the thought that you can’t hug her. 

Yeah. That was my evening. How was yours?