Expectations

Throughout my life, people I have trusted and respected have put me under certain expectations, which I have tried very hard to fulfill. They called me smart, so I tried to be smart. They called me creative, so I tried to be creative. They called me sweet, loyal, a good girl, trustworthy, talented, and so I tried my very best to be so. I have a weakness for wanting to live up to what people think of me -- I think most of us do. I didn't, and still don't, like letting people down.

I'm very lucky that people have thought and expected the best of me, therefore encouraging me to be my best. There are people in this world who have little expected of them and are thought to be less than they are. Unfortunately, they too tend to live up to the expectations had of them, or rather, they live down to those expectations.

Now that I'm older, I have expectations of myself. Among other things, I expect myself to do well in school, I expect myself to keep my belongings tidy, I expect myself to keep my word and I expect myself to be responsible for the things put under my responsibility. I am more disappointed when I fail myself than I ever was when I disappointed everyone else.

So you'll understand why it bothers me that, after having signed a contract saying I would maintain my dorm, my dorm managers feel it necessary to have clean checks every week.

To me, this lack of expectations -- or maybe it would be better to say this over-abundance of bad expectations -- is offensive. They expect me to be an average, sloppy college kid, unwilling to do any cleaning unless it is under the threat of failing clean check. I can be and am responsible; I can and do keep my own dorm clean without micromanagement; I said I would do so when I signed my contract, and I can, will, and do keep my word. Having someone come poking their nose around my dorm every week feels like a slap in the face of my personal expectations.

As a kid, there was nothing that bothered me more than someone thinking I was lying when I wasn't. As an adult, it is still probably one of the most obnoxious things I deal with. I wasn't lying when I said I would take care of my dorm, and these constant clean checks show very little faith in my integrity.

It stings.

I could say a lot more, both on the subject of expectations and clean checks, but I'll leave it at that for now. I have homework to do -- homework for which I am responsible and therefore will do.